Intro:  In life, many believe beauty is the core of everything. Some believe that beauty matters more than anything, and that beauty is seen as special, but if look close enough and keep an open mind, beauty can be found almost anywhere. Sometimes in the simplest of places, perhaps a new succulent, a tasteful home cooked meal, or even a clear day with not a cloud to be seen. It is something that really varies from person to person. Here at the University of New England, beauty is something we’re known for and what really stands out about our campus. While this may be said about us, and while we do have unique outdoor scenery (being so close to the Saco River), there is so much about our campus within the coastline that makes our community stand out.

Thesis: UNE proves that beauty exists even in the places where you would least expect it.

Claim Sentence #1 – People and observers of beauty will have some type of positive response to their encounter.

Quote- “Schiller is curious about what is going on in us when we respond with this distinctive, intimate thrill and enthusiasm that leads us to say ‘that’s beautiful'”. (Armstrong).

Claim Sentence #2 – When is comes to understanding beauty as a whole, we should try to understand ourselves and the beauty within us first.

Quote- “If we want to understand beauty, we can’t just talk about the things we find beautiful. We have to talk about our lives.” (Armstrong).

Claim Sentence #3 – Beauty can be seen when you least expect it to be in view, where you least expect it to move you emotionally.

Quote- “It’s not a problem for Schiller if someone happens not to be moved by the particular examples that excite him. What matters is that something does, and that something is what we call beautiful.” (Armstrong).

When researching various articles online, I stumbled a great article from Psychology Today titled “What Makes Something Beautiful?”. This article really caught my eye because it discusses a wide range of topics when it comes to beauty, between feeling absorbed, the value of beauty as a whole, the understanding of beauty being in the eye of the beholder, (etc). This article breaks down beauty and the thought of something being beautiful, and really explores the science behind it. Something that struck me was the discussion of beauty vs. simplicity. “People prefer things that are easy to think about. The more effortlessly the perceiver can process an object, the more enjoyable is his or her experience.”         I pulled this quote from the article because it really got me thinking and I understand it. I myself can understand how keeping it simple can be just as beautiful if not more, and how beauty can be found in even the most simplest form.

Here’s the article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/science-choice/201809/what-makes-something-beautiful

In class, we were each assigned to conduct podcast interviews with a person of choice, and ask them what their personal definition of beautiful is, and if they had ever had an encounter with beauty that was of significance. Two interviews that stuck out to me in particular were the interviews of Tehya and Deirdre.

Tehya’s interview was with her aunt. Her aunt discussed the coast of Maine and the meaningfulness of it to her, a d how it doesn’t compare to any other coast, and I loved how she related it to life itself as well.

Deirdre did her interview with a friend. They talked about his car and how beauty ties in with awareness, and overall it was a super laid back interview that I was so engaged with. I laughed out loud and really took something from it.

In the essay “La Bella Vita” by John Armstrong, he explains his take on beauty and the significance of it in the world. He states “to regard beauty as a luxury adornment or a social signifier was to miss the true potential of the experience”. Beauty is something found in the eye of the beholder. Beauty (in my opinion) is anything one can possibly view it as. It all depends on a few factors, perspective, interpretation, and what you personally feel it as. Beauty is so powerful and to anyone can be found in almost anything. The way Armstrong explains beauty is to be sure that you aren’t taking anything for granted. That beauty can be found in anything, and maybe even more than that.

In They Say/I Say, a chapter that really resinates with me would definitely have to be Chapter 9. This chapter is titled “You Mean I Can Just Say It That Way”. This chapter really goes in depth with different writing styles and how to make paragraphs and text sound more sophisticated. It also gives great advice on how to clean up these texts and how to strengthen arguments/context as well. I have chosen this chapter of importance due to the fact that I could really use the help in this area of my writing. I benefited a great deal from reading through the chapter and taking in what it was saying about blending certain styles together, not sounding so casual, etc. Something that really stood out to me was the fact that in the chapter, the author understands how college students feel when they write, and how they think they have to set aside how they’re normally used to speaking.

“The goal of this chapter is to counteract this common misconception: that relying in college on the straightforward, down-to-earth language you use everyday will make you sound stupid; that to impress your teachers you need to set aside your everyday voice and write in a way that nobody can understand.” This really struck me because this is how I felt at first and basically in general when I started college. I figured that since the classes were bigger and a LOT more was expected of me, I knew that I would have to straighten up what I’ve known and take on the challenge.

One thing about my essay that really applies with this chapter is the fact that I didn’t fully understand the concept of the essay at first. In the initial prompt that was given to us, we were instructed to form our papers around our selected career paths, and to consider art tied into them. One thing I fixed was my introduction. I shortened it up a bit and included information on my intended major, (health, wellness, and occupational studies), as well as the topic at hand: science and art.

Here is the first paragraph on the original:

 In the world, science seems to be the core of life as a whole. Everything on this planet revolves around science and facts, and every aspect of science is important to how we live life, and helps us look forward to how we can better the world, be more innovative, and help us cure and grow. We have scientists that strive for the latest findings and study life (a very important job, with important/difficult work and research). They devote their life to studying and looking for the next best thing in science, and make important predictions. On the other end of the academic spectrum we have art. Art alone is one of the most powerful subjects in its form. It is something so special and unique to the individual. When I consider both of these subjects, I think of two very different enrichments that, when are brought together, offer each other so much. Some believe that art and the core subjects like science, mathematics and engineering, have no place for art to help. I for one believe that art and science can definitely coexist together and be helpful to one another, that each of them can bring something to the table, and keep us moving forward. 

and here is the first paragraph on my working redo:

     When you initially think of science and its many fields, art for some doesn’t immediately come to mind. There has been an ongoing debate between people who believe that art does and doesn’t belong, and there really isn’t a lot of reasoning behind why art and science can’t coexist together. When I consider both of these subjects, I think of two very different enrichments that, when are brought together, can offer each other so much. The heart and emotion that comes into being a doctor comes from someone that thinks with an artistically inclined and therapeutic mindset. Someone that’s open to help in any situation with an open mind and an open heart at the same time. This is exactly what is expected of an occupational therapist. This is something that I have always been very passionate about, and could see myself doing for years to come. This is a perfect example of one of the many ways that art and science can come together and help aid each other along towards solutions. I for one believe that art and science can definitely coexist together and be helpful to one another, that both can bring something to the table, in occupational therapy and beyond, and keep us moving forward all together. 

In order for science to gather the ultimate amounts of ideas and data, it may need help from another subject, and this is where art plays a huge role. Besides science, technology, engineering, and math. People forget how important and enriching art is and it may have a place within these core subjects, although some think it should have no place at all and just be on its own. When you look into these subjects, be sure to leave out personal beliefs and emotions so you are open to other ideas and other takes on experiments. The author of “we must protect U.S. Investment in Scientific Knowledge”, Mark B. Boslough says, “a good scientist does not allow personal feelings to get in the way of evidence.” Of course you are allowed to have an opinion and have feelings on an experiment, but it is always important to make sure you follow the facts and stick to the information at hand, so that you get the facts and know what’s actually happening. If art was more involved in STEM, we may rely less on facts and more on emotion, expression, and empathetic thinking.

After reading through Yo Yo Ma’s thoughts and ideas on STEM, I have personally decided that STEM should remain its own and that art can easily be something enjoyed separately. Most people involved with art day to day think of it as something do delicate and beautiful on its own. Some artists would argue with equilibrium, empathy, and imagination to back them up as they fight for STEAM, but it isn’t really worth it since art could just remain its own.

For me personally, I feel like art is something that should be left out of the realm of science, technology, engineering, and math, and just left to its own too. With art included with these subjects, It would be silly since in the core subjects mentioned there isn’t that touch of freedom that there is with art. Even if people think that an equilibrium is created in the process of STEAM, you are still gonna have STEM thinkers and STEAM thinkers, and they may not end up clicking so easy.

1.) For surrounding context, I easily picked up Yo Yo Ma’s successful biography. He is a graduate of Juilliard and Harvard University, and is a VERY successful musician. He really started off his career at a very young age, and is truly inspiring as an individual, so very impressive.

2.) The imposed context in the essay is the overall value and place that art holds in everyone. This is so important and is very easy to tell in the essay (hence it being “imposed”). It is so important to find balance and the equilibrium, and this whole idea in the essay makes total sense. I agree with this and totally think that art is ever so valuable.

3.) Something that keeps coming up is the talk of “necessary edges”. This is very necessary when you put an equilibrium together, a very important piece. It discusses art, the science behind it, and the overall evolution of the subject.

Key Terms (some new words to me)

1.) Bolster – support or to strengthen

2.) Lascivous – an offensive desire

3.) Bandwidth – the range of frequencies

Original: They seem to believe that art isn’t important and that people who think of art as a priority are wrong to do so. In this case, they believe that art is a waste of time. An organizer for Effective Altruism, Sam Hilton, clearly agrees with the mindset. “The idea that someone’s book, film, painting, or dance could be their way to reduce the world’s suffering struck Hilton as bizarre, almost to the point of incoherence.” (Pg 2, Paragraph 4 of Southan’s piece). Southern himself is a screenwriter, so obviously he would turn his head at the idea, as would I. I believe that art is something powerful that can make people flip their frowns and make the world all in all a better place. Whether its a painting, a novel, or a dance recital, art is art. It’s joyful in its many forms and can hold such a deeper meaning than hand handing over money could do.

Revised: While Southan (and me as well) think of art as something powerful and something that can make the world a better place, they seem to believe that art isn’t important and that people who think of art as a priority are wring to do so. In this case, they believe that art is a waste of time. Sam Hilton, an organizer for the Effective Altruism movement, clearly agrees with this mindset, and it is super easy to tell. “The idea that someone’s book, film, painting, or dance could be their way to reduce the world’s suffering struck Hilton as bizarre, almost to the point of incoherence.” (Pg 2, Paragraph 4 of Southan’s piece). This is a good look at a personal EA take on art as a whole. It just plainly shows how they feel, but certainly does not speak for everyone. Whether it’s a painting, a novel, or a dance recital, art it still art. It’s joyful in its many forms and can hold such a deeper meaning than what handing over money could do.

Original: Zander just so happens to be the conductor for the Boston Philharmonic, and believes that music has the power to change the world and shape people’s lives and perspectives. He is a huge advocate in the fact that music has soul and an effect on almost anyone personally. Benjamin Zander has actually done a TED Talk discussing this very topic. “I consider music to be a transformational experience…..music speaks directly to the heart. It speaks through the molecules. And it’s irresistible.” (A snippet from the TED Talk with Benjamin Zander). As the conductor of a massive orchestra like the Boston Philharmonic, he claims to have a power different than any other. Even if he doesn’t make a sound, he himself holds the key per say, and helps make the magic happen.

Revised: Zander, being the conductor for the Boston Philharmonic, believes that music has the power to change the world and shape people’s lives and perspectives. He is a huge advocate for the fact that music has soul and an effect on almost anyone personally. Zander states, “I consider music to be a transformational experience…music speaks directly to the heart. It speaks through the molecules. And it’s irresistible.” (RAZ and ZANDER printed interview script). As the conductor of such a massive orchestra like this, he claims to have power different than any other. Even if he doesn’t make a sound, he himself holds the key per say, and helps make the magic happen.

After looking over my essay again and reading through pages 17-29 of my Little Seagull handbook, I found a few parts of my essay that needed some tweaking, and some paragraphs that needed more strengthening, as well as adding a new paragraph to help make my argument stronger. I decided to kick things off with working on my first body paragraph.

One of the things noted in this first long body paragraph was by someone in my peer editing group. They informed me that this paragraph in particular sounded like it contained too much summary and not enough text/important details. So I went through the paragraph and edited as needed to sound more clear with my argument and add more detail.

This is what I changed. I left out all of the train summary at the beginning and worked from there.

 “So in the case of Rhys Southan, he is basically just stating what the Effective Altruist’s standpoint on everything is, even if its not what he believes himself. While he doesn’t necessarily agree with them, he is still very intrigued by their words and how the movement expresses itself. ‘I wanted to learn more about the EA goal of doing as much good as you possibly can with your life.'(Pg 2, Paragraph 1 of Southan’s piece).”

One other change that I made was I included the part with the drowning child analogy. This was something I initially forgot to include into my essay that was very important in adding text and it was also expected of us to include it. I inserted this paragraph after my first body paragraph that I had just revised. So the analogy paragraph is new and wasn’t there before.

  “One thing that the effective altruists tend to thrive on is the act of trying to persuade people or their followers. They really want to get you thinking. The main way they do this is to test you through analogies. It gets you thinking in a different context, and helps you look through a different scope for a change. One analogy referenced in Southan’s text discusses of those “what would you do” sort of situations per say. ‘Suppose you saw a child drowning in a pond: would you jump in and rescue her, even if you hadn’t pushed her in? Even if it meant ruining your clothes? It would be highly controversial to say ‘no’ and yet most of us manage to ignore those dying of poverty and preventable disease all over the world, though we could easily help them.’ (Pg 2 Paragraph 5). This analogy sample is a very good description of testing one’s morality, but I feel as though its a bit unnecessary. Saving someone drowning is much easier than trying to same the millions in poverty around the world. So this is really just a matter of big vs. small scale issues.”