Original: They seem to believe that art isn’t important and that people who think of art as a priority are wrong to do so. In this case, they believe that art is a waste of time. An organizer for Effective Altruism, Sam Hilton, clearly agrees with the mindset. “The idea that someone’s book, film, painting, or dance could be their way to reduce the world’s suffering struck Hilton as bizarre, almost to the point of incoherence.” (Pg 2, Paragraph 4 of Southan’s piece). Southern himself is a screenwriter, so obviously he would turn his head at the idea, as would I. I believe that art is something powerful that can make people flip their frowns and make the world all in all a better place. Whether its a painting, a novel, or a dance recital, art is art. It’s joyful in its many forms and can hold such a deeper meaning than hand handing over money could do.
Revised: While Southan (and me as well) think of art as something powerful and something that can make the world a better place, they seem to believe that art isn’t important and that people who think of art as a priority are wring to do so. In this case, they believe that art is a waste of time. Sam Hilton, an organizer for the Effective Altruism movement, clearly agrees with this mindset, and it is super easy to tell. “The idea that someone’s book, film, painting, or dance could be their way to reduce the world’s suffering struck Hilton as bizarre, almost to the point of incoherence.” (Pg 2, Paragraph 4 of Southan’s piece). This is a good look at a personal EA take on art as a whole. It just plainly shows how they feel, but certainly does not speak for everyone. Whether it’s a painting, a novel, or a dance recital, art it still art. It’s joyful in its many forms and can hold such a deeper meaning than what handing over money could do.
Original: Zander just so happens to be the conductor for the Boston Philharmonic, and believes that music has the power to change the world and shape people’s lives and perspectives. He is a huge advocate in the fact that music has soul and an effect on almost anyone personally. Benjamin Zander has actually done a TED Talk discussing this very topic. “I consider music to be a transformational experience…..music speaks directly to the heart. It speaks through the molecules. And it’s irresistible.” (A snippet from the TED Talk with Benjamin Zander). As the conductor of a massive orchestra like the Boston Philharmonic, he claims to have a power different than any other. Even if he doesn’t make a sound, he himself holds the key per say, and helps make the magic happen.
Revised: Zander, being the conductor for the Boston Philharmonic, believes that music has the power to change the world and shape people’s lives and perspectives. He is a huge advocate for the fact that music has soul and an effect on almost anyone personally. Zander states, “I consider music to be a transformational experience…music speaks directly to the heart. It speaks through the molecules. And it’s irresistible.” (RAZ and ZANDER printed interview script). As the conductor of such a massive orchestra like this, he claims to have power different than any other. Even if he doesn’t make a sound, he himself holds the key per say, and helps make the magic happen.
Your changes lead to much cleaner transitions into your quotes. Remember, that you only need an author’s name in the parenthetical citation–but only if you haven’t yet tagged the quote as belonging to the author.